Amid the recent flurry of extraterrestrial gossip comes answers to a trending query regarding the moon. You know it’s going to be something juicy when the moon’s involved, so you might want to strap yourselves in for this one. The buzz surrounds the moon’s latest appearance in full mode, which took place on May 30 at 12:19 pm, Eastern Standard Time.
The International Space Station has released a report answering the question on everyone’s lips: namely, whether the May full moon has in fact been “full-on vibes” and “trine way too much retrograde f***ing Mercury”, as members of many an irreverent comment thread have claimed.
The report, which was released this morning, puts forward evidence that the moon has been beaming it up to the max following exposure to fumes of leguminous origin. Stanislav Gleph, a geologist stationed in the ISS and one of the key contributors to the report, briefly outlines the position in an accompanying press statement. “It is accurate to say that the full moon in Sagittarius has been ‘high beaming that mutable fire energy’.”
“It is undeniably forming a strong portal for manifestation in the field of career aspirations, particularly for those with their natal sun in Gemini,” he continues. “Our observations lead us to attribute this to the moon’s exposure to a previously unheard-of spacecraft exhaust fume, which appears to be derived from an aquafaba-based fuel.”
Karen Schrill, an astrophysicist and NASA associate, has tweeted cryptically, “And you all laughed at my theory that lunar energy can be influenced by the mass adoption of gelatin alternatives.” She followed up with hashtags #mooninsagittarius, #sagmoment and #chickpeabrine.
Our astrological consultant is currently channelling the moon for comment.