Shock: Royals Suspected Tech Puppets

Following the recent murmers on the subject of a certain music industry wunderkind ditching her studio monitors to plug into the recreational audio implant network (aka RAIN), a spate of new revelations on the matter have entered our orbit.

Ansell Ferrier, vocal coach to London’s elite and a long-time associate of the British royal family, has come out with an alarming statement suggesting possible misuse of the controversial technology.

“I have reason to believe that [royal] family members are being used, without their knowledge or consent, as a target for responsive audio overlays,” said the notably tech-savvy septuagenarian on Tuesday. As mentioned previously on Sass Place, RAOs are RAIN applications that map responsive 3D soundscapes to objects in a user’s physical environment.

“I have close personal contact with a number of RAIN users who, like myself, associate personally with said target individuals,” continued Ferrier. “Their experience of the targets’ vocal expression is, sonically and semantically speaking, highly divergent from the consensus reality.”

“I think someone is using the targets as puppets, mapping content onto them to embed a message in the RAIN.”

Ferrier, both an early adopter and outspoken critic of social media, is known in certain literary circles for his longform responses to phenomena such as AI and virtual reality – some of which are widely thought to be satirical.

“That fellow – he’s a bloody funny one,” quipped English comedian Robert Bland last night, in response to a meme showing Ferrier being abducted by aliens. “I’m going to have to get the geezer up on the old podcast one of these days.”