Royal Asteroid Scandal Unplugged

It’s been a few months since we reported scientists’ suspicions that popular British royal Prince Hank was harbouring plans to put his freshly-minted marriage to Meg Maple on hold to embark on an extended motorcycle trip through the stars. Since the dust has settled on that, new evidence has come to light of such a prospect never having clouded the pair’s sunny outlook.


Nonetheless, the atmosphere around the palace remains heavy with signs of RAIN. Speculation is mounting that the royal family has been made a target of RAO (responsive audio overlay) applications by an unknown user of the controversial Recreational Audio Implant Network.


A popular theory on Reddit suggests that Prince Hank’s talk of asteroids earlier in the year was, in fact, manufactured by none other than music industry wunderkind and known early adopter Shoshanna Edwards-Jenkins, who last week dropped a digital mixtape entitled ‘No Asteroid’ on the BeatmatchCloud streaming site.


Is a telling mixtape title and a well-documented penchant for audio technology sufficient evidence that the 22 year-old millionaire is interfering with royal affairs? Anthony Smithers, spokesperson for the research team that initially put forward indications of the asteroid scandal, says no. “Asteroid 2010 WC9 is a real entity,” he said on Monday. “I can confirm that no members of my team are audio implant users, so our research could not have been misguided by the overlays. We therefore have reason to be sceptical of the idea that the royals are being targeted in applications of this technology.”


Reportedly, Smithers has described Edwards-Jenkins’ new mix as “a right banger”, and argued that the seemingly incriminating title is simply bouncing off popular culture.