Here at Sass Place, we pride ourselves on being knee deep in the gossip before it’s even happened. Our scandal sensors are so finely tuned, we can spot scuttlebutt through most walls, cabinets, and password-protected hard drives. And yet, we never cease to find ourselves surprised.
Just when we thought we’d heard it all about those cheeky British royals, a new piece of the puzzle finds it way to our inbox. This time, the word comes from aerospace research scientists at the University of East Smothershire, UK. Amidst denials from NASA that asteroid 2010 WC9 interfered with the royal wedding, the small research team is speaking out to the contrary.
“There are clear indications that the asteroid always intended to interfere with the wedding of Prince Hank and Meg Maple this past weekend,” said spokesperson, Anthony Smithers, at a press conference held at the university this morning. “Indeed, it was hell bent on stopping the ceremony in its tracks before the vows took place. We now have compelling evidence that, even though it was unable to interrupt the ceremony, asteroid 2010 WC9 is sticking to its metal and working to undermine the marriage as we speak.”
Smithers went on to say that his team believes the asteroid has a strong motive. Their research suggests that it had a long-standing deal with well-liked Hank to take a motorcycle tour of the Pleiades over the British summer – something that official commitments associated with the high-profile marriage will surely stand in the way of.
Britney Willers, a graduate student in the East Smothershire astrophysics department, tells us she’s witnessed first-hand the efforts to cover up the telling findings. “It’s a disgrace,” she says. “They’re using intimidatory tactics to keep the British public from finding out that Prince Hank has been making bromantic trip plans with the asteroid.” She declined to give details, stating only that ‘prominent people’ were involved in the cover up.