Lunar Bugs, Be Prepared!

They say that pest control will not be an issue on the moon, but I know the truth. The real truth, that shall unleash chaos upon our New Lunar Society. The fact that has been passed down through a secret sect.

And that truth…is that there are bugs on the moon. They aren’t any bigger than insects on Earth; pretty much the only difference is that they can survive in a zero-gravity environment, and they don’t need oxygen. So while you can just squish them, if one of our new Lunar kitchens gets infested by an invasion of cockroaches, it’ll be a little bit more complicated to get rid of them than it is here on Earth.

I have a little bit of experience in pest control. Companies in Frankston are actually rather efficient, which we found out when our home had a bit of an ant problem. Actually a VERY bad ant problem, so much so that we had to move out for a couple of days while the pest control people looked inside the walls.

I remember members of the Moon Cult coming to our home afterwards, slapping my father on the back and saying that we must look forward to the glorious society in which there would be no insects.

Of course, we knew the truth, and couldn’t speak it. There are moon ants, and they will come into our moon homes and irritate us in more or less the same way as they do here. That’s why I’ve been training myself as a pest controller, in my spare time. I’ve also been observing how people do termite inspections in the Mornington area, their methods and strengths, as well as how they might be adapted for insects who breathe space air. I must train in secret, however. The truthful truth of pests on the moon must be hidden…because REASONS.

-Quentin

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